My Six Tips for Surviving the First Six Months (aside from Caffeine!)
Okay… So let’s start off by saying, being a new mum is tough! Even though you have had nine exciting months to plan and prepare for your little one’s arrival; googling, reading “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, nothing can truly prepare you for what’s to come. Overnight, your life dramatically changes - you now have a brand new life in your home (that you need to keep alive), you’re confronted with sleep deprivation, your hormones are a hot mess, and don’t even get me started on the millions of people who come at you with parenting advice… Gah!
But, one thing I will tell you is - it gets easier. Over the last six months, I really do feel like I have learned a lot about myself, my baby, and “motherhood”. I am in no way an expert, and I obviously still have a lot to learn, but I wanted to share with you a few tips that I personally found helpful for the first six months post-partum.
LIFE TIP: DO YOU
I really do believe this is THE single most important advice I could give any new parent. When it comes to parenting, there are a ridiculous amount of books, websites, online classes, in-person classes, sleep trainers - the list goes on forever, you get the point - but remember, you need to do what is right for you, your baby, and your situation. If your friends are doing things differently with their babies and children, that’s great. If your mum is telling you that she did things differently when you were little, that’s great too. And although advice from friends and parents can always be helpful, YOU are your baby’s mother, and only you know what is right for you and your child. Just because someone else follows/followed a different routine/schedule/feeding plan/whatever, do not feel pressured to do what they are doing if it doesn’t feel right to you. Everyone’s parenting style is different. You’ve just had a baby - honestly the last thing you need is feeling like you are doing something wrong because someone else is telling you otherwise or doing something different. Trust your Mumma instincts, follow your intuition, and just go with it. Do you. You’ve got this!
SELF-CARE
There is no question that being a new mum is exhausting, both emotionally and physically. However the one thing I always told myself, even throughout my pregnancy, was that I wanted to continue to do the things that made me happy and made me feel good, post-baby. This could be going to get my nails done, going for a massage, exercising, shopping, seeing friends, having a glass of rosé (or two…) - basically 100% pampering myself every now and then.
After giving birth, I personally struggled with the notion of being a “full-time mum”, because I didn’t want to lose the person that I was pre-baby. Not completely. I hate it when women have babies and suddenly think they need to be overly-obsessive with their child in fear that they are not being a good parent (don’t get me wrong - I am fully obsessed with my child haha, but I can absolutely leave her for a few hours/a day and enjoy some me-time too). Newsflash: you can be an amazing mother, and go and do things for yourself that make you feel good. You deserve it.
I have personally never had “mum guilt”; I don’t believe in it. I believe that if you want to be the best mum/parent/role model you can be for your child, the single most important thing you can do is take care of yourself. If I make myself feel good, I’m happier, and therefore I am a better, more engaged parent all-round.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS…
I’m going to put this out there, I feel like I was one of the lucky one’s when it came to Mila. She was a very content, calm, and overall “chilled” baby. But there were/still are nights that are so hard. As a newborn, Mila went through a seriously bad “witching hour” phase. For those of you who don’t know, witching hour is basically a fussy period, it happens at the same time every day, and no matter what, nothing will calm your baby down. It’s tough! Mila also used to intake a lot of air while bottle-feeding which made her gassy and uncomfortable, almost colicky. And then at 4 and 6 months old, she went through two bad (baaaad) sleep regressions. Being tired, physically and mentally, is an understatement, and sometimes I would just cry and feel helpless and frustrated with myself. But if you need to cry - then cry. All these emotions you are feeling, you’re allowed to feel them - it’s so NORMAL, and trust me, we have all been there.
However, the one thing I always reminded myself through these hard times was, “this is just a phase, this will pass”. Even though it’s kind of stating the obvious, when I told myself this it really helped me. Because when you’re in the moment, it feels like that behavior is going to last forever. I remember thinking “welp, I guess this is my life now, this is who my baby is” haha. But guess what? It does pass! Of course it does. Babies develop at a ridiculously fast rate, their brains are constantly taking everything in around them, they have teeth cutting through, they get used to one developmental change and then suddenly they are learning something completely new, which is scary and daunting for them. Babies actually have it pretty rough?! No wonder they cry so much… lol.
GET UP & GET OUT
Even when Mila was at a younger age, and even more so now, I find that if I stay in the house for too long she will get really bored and “antsy” - almost moodier and fussier. Every morning, I will sit and think about what I am going to do that day - I’ll plan it out in my head. Otherwise it’s too easy to end up sitting in the house for the majority of the day. On day’s where I’m at a loss for what to do, I’ll just grab our dog, put Mila in the stroller, go outside and walk. Sometimes I don’t even have anywhere to go, I just know that we need to get outside in the fresh air. I now go for long walks every day (if I can), and I’ve found that when I do this Mila sleeps better, she’s happier, she gets her day-time naps in without fighting them, and I also feel so much better because Franc (my dog) and I are getting our steps in - win win.
Aside from Mila, I also find that when I get outside - whether I have somewhere to go or not, my mood just instantly rises. I feel happier, productive, and satisfied that Mila is happy. I know I live in a very different climate to those in the UK, or those who live in generally colder climates, and it’s easier for me to get out and walk. But getting out to me is so important for my mentality, whether it’s a walk, a mummy and me class/exercise class, going to get coffee, breakfast, lunch, etc. Make sure to do something daily.
ASK FOR HELP
Never be afraid or ashamed to ask for help when you need it. Bringing home a new baby is hard. Figuring out breastfeeding, bottle feeding, pumping, how much they need to eat, keeping their weight up, figuring out a schedule, keeping your baby entertained, making sure they’re getting enough sleep, tummy time, whilst also making sure you’re happy too… it’s a lot. Ask for help. Call your doctor for advice. Ask your husband/night nurse/partner/parents/friends to look after the baby. Take a mental break. Take a nap. Do something for you. You don’t need or have to do this alone.
BE PRESENT, AND ENJOY IT
When I was pregnant, I had so many people/strangers tell me: “Enjoy it. All of it. You’ll be amazed at how quickly it goes”. And albeit my baby is only 7 months old… HOW is she already 7 months old?! It really, really does fly by. I miss those newborn days already.
So… Enjoy this time. One day, you’ll look back and it will be over, they will never be that age again. Your babies won’t be babies anymore. Be present in the moment, know that all parents feel the weight of parenthood at one point or another. We are in this together.
What does “being present” mean to you? To me, being present means understanding that tantrums are just a brief moment in time. Using technology on your time, not your babies time. Taking every opportunity to talk to your baby, and listen to them. Accepting that babies discover the world by being messy. Learning how to accept and being mindful is obviously easier said than done, especially in the moment, and it is something that has taken me months to truly learn - and I still have a way to go. But reminding yourself of this really can help in those tough moments that seem to last forever! Take everything day by day.
What are some of your tips that helped you get through the first six months? Share in the comment box below!